give yourself some love

Either you know someone with chronic body-image issues or experience it yourself; it's a fact that's hard to avoid in our society. As a yoga instructor, I see this self-deprecating issue surface in a the studio in a very real way, rearing its ugly head during practice. Some students are stuck in a cycle of destructive habits, while others are working to evolve through yoga. Many new students want to know how many calories they'll be burning at a hot yoga class or when they can expect to see real results. I don't always know what to tell them, but I wish I could tell them that it doesn't matter. To come as you are. Let yourself be. That losing a few gallons of sweat or pounds of fat will most certainly not make you happy.

I get that goals can be beneficial and I fully understand that a healthy yoga practice can bring confidence and inner peace. The big difference here is the motivation behind the goal. Are you working from a place of positive motives such as health and longevity, honoring your body when you need to rest? Or do you often exercise from a place of compulsion, worry or fear, beating yourself up when you're tired or skip a workout? The energy that you bring to the gym or your yoga practice is either a powerful tool or a dangerous poison.

As Bryan Kest so eloquently says: "If you bring your shit into yoga, you turn your yoga into shit."

And this sage advice is not just for yogis. If you think that rushing to the gym will help to solve your body image issues, think again. The thing that many people don't connect about traditional, regimented or "no pain, no gain" exercise routines is this: If you're hating your workout everyday or forcing yourself through a miserable routine that you don't like, your mind is running circles in a vicious cycle of negative energy. You might literally have an internal dialogue or mantra of "I hate this," "This is miserable," "I hate my body"...etc. You're not trusting your instincts. So...guess what's actually going on when you're struggling through a workout? You're releasing loads of stress hormones all the while. Do you know what stress hormones do? They slow down your body's natural processes. They can cause you to gain weight. They weaken the immune system. They can aggravate and cause depression. So even if you feel temporarily "better" after working out or glad that you made it through, you are perpetuating your own toxic cycle of negativity.

We all need to learn to let go of control in some respect. Clinging to the illusion of control of our lives, our bodies, our jobs, our relationships, yoga...etc. will only exacerbate our dissatisfaction when things aren't perfect. Life is not perfect and neither are you, but that's okay. Learning to accept that inside and outside is a small, yet substantial part of your overall quality of life.


If you've never been satisfied with your body or your life, I don't expect that reading these few paragraphs will cause some sort of revelation. Habits like this aren't broken overnight. But maybe the next time you find yourself lingering in front of the mirror for a little too long, or stressing over your diet, you might think of this and remember how important it is to break the cycle. Try some gentle yoga or meditation, confronting yourself for a bit. Or, just take a few tips from "Jessica," below. :)

people pleasing

It's time for another cathartic post about dealing with chronic illness, so either bear with me or wait for the next good recipe or yoga post. :)

I've recently been getting a lot of great support and inspiration from other bloggers, caretakers and fighters out there dealing with chronic disease and I love reading their posts and relating to what their going through. I don't judge them, I don't pity them, I just understand them and it feels good. I hope to spread that solace through our experience as well.

Between the two of us, my husband and I both deal with our fair share of stress, just like everyone else. It's always something. This month, it's been major house repairs, a hit-and-run car accident (resulting in some rushed lessons on driving a stick!), a broken tractor, storm damage, termites, a new job with long hours...etc. But on top of a daily struggle with health, regular life is enough to cause a nervous breakdown sometimes. Normal challenges seem overwhelming when we're already maxed out. Along with actively reducing and confronting stress, the support of friends and family is imperative for anyone in our position. Even if loved ones don't understand, even if we don't want to talk about it all the time, it's nice to know that they're there for us...that they have our backs.

A lot of times, the hardest part is dealing with the loved ones that don't really have our backs and probably never will. It's hard to not have a concrete diagnosis, a cure-all pill or a progress report. How do we circumvent the subject of Dave's health? Is it appropriate to distance ourselves from these people? And how do we differentiate between the "how-are-you-because-I-feel-like-I-should-ask" and the "I-want-to-know-how-you-are-because-I-care?" There's a fine line between just trying to appear normal vs. walking on eggshells. Only in relationships where there is mutual release of expectations and judgement are we truly free. 

We don't expect unwavering unconditional love and support from everyone, but we do deserve a little leniency when it comes to social etiquette.  Holidays and large family gatherings are the worst. We practically dread them because we are expected to both be there, act a certain way, eat certain foods and at least appear happy so as not to offend anyone. 'Why didn't Dave come to the family dinner?' 'Why was Dave acting reclusive at a family dinner?' 'What's wrong with Dave?' 'Why is he on that restrictive diet?' Assumptions are made and feelings are hurt, over and over again in relation to Dave's condition. 

We don't get mad or upset when events don't go as planned or people don't understand, we just get tired. We are tired of trying so hard, tired of failing in their eyes or making the wrong decisions and we just don't have the energy to keep explaining ourselves. As we pull closer together trying to shield ourselves from the onslaught of extra unnecessary stress, we end up pulling further away from certain situations and certain people and we've decided that for now, that's okay. Though little has changed in the past 5 years, it's easy for people to forget that the constant struggle hasn't gone away yet. For us, we're just trying to survive and do what's best for us each day. If that means pissing certain people off and saving some of our sanity for each other and our obligations, then so be it. 

We now choose to spend time with people who lift us up, make us feel happy and safe or relieve our stress. Avoiding the opposite is a necessary part of the healing process right now. Years ago, dodging any loved ones would not have been an option to me, but for the sake of Dave's health and our marriage, we just can't please everyone. We know that some people cannot offer the kind of love and support that we need, and in the same way, we might upset them by not playing the part of the vibrant, happy couple they want. But we are only human and we can't help but build a few walls to protect ourselves right now. My biggest and most passionate hope is that these walls and Dave's illness are both only temporary. Someday soon, it will feel great to conquer them.

how to choose a yoga mat

If your yoga mat is starting to look a little worse for the wear or if it's just not meeting your needs, it's hard to know what type of mat to choose. There are many options and accessories out there from $20 - $100+, but does price always indicate quality? Do you need to spend over $50 to get a good mat? It's not a simple answer and there are lots of pros and cons to think about, depending on where and how you practice. Below is some info I wish I had known before buying my first few mats!

ASK YOURSELF:

How often do you use your mat? If you're only rolling out your mat once a week, a $10 mat from Target or TJ Maxx might last you about a year. But beware, if you're new to yoga, you might be making it more difficult on yourself. Certain poses such as Down Dogs can be greatly effected by the texture and grip of your mat, possibly adding or removing a bit of struggle when you're first adjusting to the pose.

Do you care about the environment? Well, you should. It's tempting to lean toward a cheap plastic mat, but when you need to pitch it in 8 months, Mother Nature is stuck with your crappy old mat. Not only that, but your putting your face and body all over that mat...breathing it in and absorbing possibly chemicals or off-gases through your skin.

Where do you practice? Are you looking for something you can drag around outside and not worry about? Do you lug your mat a few blocks in the city and need something lightweight or are you mostly only toting to and from class? Depending what they're made of, sometimes even thin mats can be surprisingly heavy.

What type of yoga? Think about why you want or need this mat. If you have sensitive joints or you're practicing at home in your basement on concrete, you might be looking for a thick, cushy mat. Hot yoga-ers or those with healthy sweat glands will definitely want something grippy and probably also cover it with a towel to avoid slipping.

What's your favorite color? Though not an imperative factor, color can still effect your yoga practice and your mood. I can't say I would recommend choosing a mat based solely on color, but I would definitely take it into consideration.

Closed-Cell or Open-Cell? Closed-cell VS. open cell is often what separates the cheap from the expensive. Closed-cell mats are the basic type that you'll find in any department store, usually okay for those with a very relaxed yoga style who don't perspire much. They're considered more hygienic because they do not absorb water or oils from our skin/sweat. Closed-cell mats are cannot tolerate any moisture, so even slight perspiration in your palms or feet can make them slippery and difficult to grip.

Open-cell mats are porous and permeable. They provide significantly better traction than closed-cell mats and are ideal for a sweaty practice, but they are difficult to clean. Soaking in a vinegar bath is a good way to go, but open-cell mats wear out faster (with moisture) because the material is less dense. 

OPTIONS:

For Those on a Budget:
Gaiam mats, $10-$20. You can find these mats all over the place, and they’re relatively inexpensive. I would recommend these thin, lightweight mats for people who don’t plan on making flow-focused or heated classes a part of their practice. They don't offer much grip or support.

*NOTE: Though Gaiam mats are eco-friendly, many knock-offs and cheap closed-cell mats are not, so beware.

Pros: Easy to clean, inexpensive, eco-friendly
Cons: Not grippy

For Hot or High-Intensity Yogi: Lululemon’s The Mat, $68, is designed to soak up moisture without becoming slick. For lots of reasons, I personally do not support Lululemon, but I see students using The Mat without towels, even during the drippiest of hot classes. If you live near a Lululemon store, you can also easily try before you buy.

Pros: Eco-friendly
Cons: Difficult to clean

For the Nature, Eco and Yoga Lover:
Lots of mats are eco-friendly nowadays, but Hugger Mugger mats have a great Nature Inspired Collection, for about $30. They use really cool colors and designs inspired by nature and they're all natural with no heavy metals or phthalates. The texture is not woven or super-grippy, but if you love nature anyway, this would make a great outdoor mat!

Pros: Easy to clean, inexpensive, eco-friendly
Cons: Not grippy

For the Vinyasa Yogi:

Jade’s Harmony Professional Yoga Mat, $70, is endorsed and used by many world-famous yogis. You'll see tons of them at your local studio and they're all made with 100% natural USA rubber, are sustainable and sweat resistant and offer great texture and grip. My last open-cell Jade Harmony yoga mat only lasted about 8 months before it lost it's grip. I don't feel that I cleaned it too much and I only used it for teaching. Some yogi friends have had their Jade mats longer and others much less, but I'm going to see if I can drag my next one out a bit more by wiping it less.

Pros: Super traction, eco-friendly, great company

Cons: Difficult to clean, break down quickly

For Lifetime Yogis: Manduka’s Black Mat Pro, $100. This mat is thick and heavy, super grippy and eco-friendly. It comes with a lifetime guarantee, which makes it a good investment if you've shredded through a few cheap mats and aren't rolling up your mat any time soon. What's cool about these mats is that they actually get BETTER with age and even come with a recommendation to give your new mat a "sea salt scrubbing" to break-in the surface a bit. 

Though it seems pricey, you can rest easy knowing you NEVER need to replace it and it will not lose it's grip. Manduka will definitely be my next investment.

Pros: Super traction, eco-friendly, lifetime guarantee

Cons: Heavy, Expensive

Regardless of what kind of mat you go with, know how and when to clean your mat.

As with anything, try before you buy, if you're able. I made the mistake of ordering a Natural Fitness mat online that gets great reviews from others, but I despised the second I touched it. Many teachers or studios would be more than willing to let you test out their mats for a few poses or a class!