people pleasing

It's time for another cathartic post about dealing with chronic illness, so either bear with me or wait for the next good recipe or yoga post. :)

I've recently been getting a lot of great support and inspiration from other bloggers, caretakers and fighters out there dealing with chronic disease and I love reading their posts and relating to what their going through. I don't judge them, I don't pity them, I just understand them and it feels good. I hope to spread that solace through our experience as well.

Between the two of us, my husband and I both deal with our fair share of stress, just like everyone else. It's always something. This month, it's been major house repairs, a hit-and-run car accident (resulting in some rushed lessons on driving a stick!), a broken tractor, storm damage, termites, a new job with long hours...etc. But on top of a daily struggle with health, regular life is enough to cause a nervous breakdown sometimes. Normal challenges seem overwhelming when we're already maxed out. Along with actively reducing and confronting stress, the support of friends and family is imperative for anyone in our position. Even if loved ones don't understand, even if we don't want to talk about it all the time, it's nice to know that they're there for us...that they have our backs.

A lot of times, the hardest part is dealing with the loved ones that don't really have our backs and probably never will. It's hard to not have a concrete diagnosis, a cure-all pill or a progress report. How do we circumvent the subject of Dave's health? Is it appropriate to distance ourselves from these people? And how do we differentiate between the "how-are-you-because-I-feel-like-I-should-ask" and the "I-want-to-know-how-you-are-because-I-care?" There's a fine line between just trying to appear normal vs. walking on eggshells. Only in relationships where there is mutual release of expectations and judgement are we truly free. 

We don't expect unwavering unconditional love and support from everyone, but we do deserve a little leniency when it comes to social etiquette.  Holidays and large family gatherings are the worst. We practically dread them because we are expected to both be there, act a certain way, eat certain foods and at least appear happy so as not to offend anyone. 'Why didn't Dave come to the family dinner?' 'Why was Dave acting reclusive at a family dinner?' 'What's wrong with Dave?' 'Why is he on that restrictive diet?' Assumptions are made and feelings are hurt, over and over again in relation to Dave's condition. 

We don't get mad or upset when events don't go as planned or people don't understand, we just get tired. We are tired of trying so hard, tired of failing in their eyes or making the wrong decisions and we just don't have the energy to keep explaining ourselves. As we pull closer together trying to shield ourselves from the onslaught of extra unnecessary stress, we end up pulling further away from certain situations and certain people and we've decided that for now, that's okay. Though little has changed in the past 5 years, it's easy for people to forget that the constant struggle hasn't gone away yet. For us, we're just trying to survive and do what's best for us each day. If that means pissing certain people off and saving some of our sanity for each other and our obligations, then so be it. 

We now choose to spend time with people who lift us up, make us feel happy and safe or relieve our stress. Avoiding the opposite is a necessary part of the healing process right now. Years ago, dodging any loved ones would not have been an option to me, but for the sake of Dave's health and our marriage, we just can't please everyone. We know that some people cannot offer the kind of love and support that we need, and in the same way, we might upset them by not playing the part of the vibrant, happy couple they want. But we are only human and we can't help but build a few walls to protect ourselves right now. My biggest and most passionate hope is that these walls and Dave's illness are both only temporary. Someday soon, it will feel great to conquer them.

how to choose a yoga mat

If your yoga mat is starting to look a little worse for the wear or if it's just not meeting your needs, it's hard to know what type of mat to choose. There are many options and accessories out there from $20 - $100+, but does price always indicate quality? Do you need to spend over $50 to get a good mat? It's not a simple answer and there are lots of pros and cons to think about, depending on where and how you practice. Below is some info I wish I had known before buying my first few mats!

Mat texture, grippy, sweat-absorbing towels, various brand names, weights, colors...where to start!?

ASK YOURSELF:

How often do you use your mat? If you're only rolling out your mat once a week, a $10 mat from Target or Marshalls might last you about a year. But beware, if you're new to yoga, you might be making it more difficult on yourself. Certain poses such as Down Dogs can be greatly effected by the texture and grip of your mat, possibly adding or removing a bit of struggle when you're first adjusting to the pose.

Do you care about the environment? Well, you should. It's tempting to lean toward a cheap plastic mat, but when you need to pitch it in 8 months, Mother Nature is stuck with your crappy old mat. At least know what your mat is made of before you buy.

"Mats made from natural or recycled rubber easily break down in landfills and aren’t harmful to the environment, unlike those made from PVC (like the traditional and often much cheaper yoga mats)." -Source

Where do you practice? Are you looking for something you can drag around outside and not worry about? Do you lug your mat a few blocks in the city and need something lightweight or are you mostly only toting to and from class? Depending what they're mad of, sometimes even thin mats can be surprisingly heavy.

What type of yoga? Think about why you want or need this mat. If you have sensitive joints or you're practicing at home in your basement on concrete, you might be looking for a thick, cushy mat. Hot yoga-ers or those with healthy sweat glands will definitely want something grippy and probably also cover it with a towel to avoid slipping.

What's your favorite color? Though not an imperative factor, color can still effect your yoga practice and your mood. I can't say I would recommend choosing a mat based solely on color, but I would definitely take it into consideration.

OPTIONS:

For Those on a Budget:
Gaiam mats, $10-$20. You can find these mats all over the place, and they’re relatively inexpensive. I would recommend these thin, lightweight mats for people who don’t plan on making flow-focused or heated classes a part of their practice. They don't offer much grip or support.

For Those Not Afraid to Make an Investment:Manduka’s Black Mat Pro, $94. This mat is thick and heavy (a whopping 7 pounds!) But it does come with a lifetime guarantee, which makes it a good investment if you've shredded through a few cheap mats.

For Hot or High-Intensity Yogi:

Hot yoga lovers, rejoice. Lululemon’s The Mat, $68, is designed to soak up moisture without becoming slick. I've never personally tried this kind, but I hear that they stay sticky without having to use a towel, even during the drippiest of hot classes.

For Yogis on the Go:One option for jet-setting yoga lovers is to buy a travel mat, but travel mats need to be thin and lightweight to be worthwhile. "Yoga-Paws” Mini-Mats, $30, are made for travelers...or keep them on you for that impromtu yoga session!

For the Nature, Eco and Yoga Lover:

Lots of mats are eco-friendly nowadays, but Hugger Mugger mats have a great Nature Inspired Collection, for about $30. They use really cool colors and designs inspired by nature and they're all natural with no heavy metals or phthalates. The texture is not woven or super-grippy, but if you love nature anyway, this would make a great outdoor mat!

For Everyone! (especially the Eco-Conscious):

Jade’s Harmony Professional Yoga Mat, $70, is made with USA rubber, is sustainable and sweat resistant and offers the best all-around texture and grip. Endorsed and used by many world-famous yogis, you're not just paying for a brand-name with Jade. It's real quality and a great company you can trust.

Regardless of what kind of mat you go with, know how and when to clean your mat.

As with anything, try before you buy, if you're able. (I made the mistake of ordering a mat online that I despised the second I touched it.) Many teachers or studios would be more than willing to let you test out their mats for a few poses or a class!

nature vs. stress

I feel like I blog a lot about stress. I guess I just can't stress the importance enough! (Pun totally intended) It's part of every day life for everyone. Your body sends stress signals when you are hungry, when you stub your big toe or when you are in rush-hour traffic. For many people though, stress is an unconscious constant state because our minds are careening out of control. Though most animals and primates automatically shut off their stress signals when they're not in immediate danger, the gift of our developed mind has also plagued us the chronic subconscious habit of worrying, anticipating and perseverating. How we deal with stress really does 'make-or-break' us and effect our overall health, so we can't keep ignoring it.

I was recently reading some of the diaries of good ol' Anne Frank. It's really amazing to think about such an intelligent young woman reflecting on her life, the people around her and basic human nature, all while grappling with world-altering events. Some of her thoughts and beliefs are downright profound, especially for a 14-year-old. Coping mechanisms are different for everyone, but I loved that one of her favorite ways to de-stress was to spend time in nature.

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” ― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

You can find more of Anne's best quotes here.  

Sometimes, reading simple advice like this really helps me put my stress in perspective, so that's why I'm sharing it. If Anne Frank can cultivate peace through the beauty of nature, then certainly I should be able to as well. Have you tried seeking out a quiet spot in nature to clear your head? It doesn't have to be a completely private and silent spot to have an effect, but you can observe any small microcosm. Whether it's sitting inside, looking at your backyard, heading to a park to sit in the woods or practicing yoga outside, natural beauty has a way of showing us it's intricate perfection and making us and our troubles feel smaller by comparison. And spring is a perfect time to try it! :)

Intricate perfection and balance!